I'm too tired to socialise! How do you do it?

I know there’s a lot of shame around loneliness and not having friends. A lot of people also believe that friendships or relationships should be effortless, which is not the case for me and I’m sure, for many people too.

I love my friends, but socialising drains a lot of energy out of me, which makes it even trickier to do after a tiring day at work! How do you keep connected?

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Being transparent with your friends about how you are feeling is a good way to stay connected in itself!

I can relate to you though Nadia. Although I often find that socialising at the weekend gives me the energy boost and refresh that I need before starting another week of work.

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Great question @Nadia. I absolutely hear you - sometimes for me just trying to find time to remember to keep in touch can be swept away with everything you need to do across a week.

Something I have learnt through the pandemic is that small things make a difference. It doesn’t have to take loads of time and even posting a thought on a community like this can be a good way to build new friendship groups alongside your other ones.

Love this @umabartlett.

It’s amazing how many friends feel the same when you open up!

I feel that I have learnt that so many things that I do, even the positive ones like meeting up with friends, are ‘habits’, and that during COVID I got out of practice! But it does also feel weird when you first meet-up, or go to somewhere with more people, and although I don’t get too caught up with worries about COVID, I recognise that it is a bit uncomfortable. I even wonder, when I haven’t seen people for such a long time, what will they think when they see me!

As usual, practice makes it easier, and friends may not only feel the same, but also support you if somethings are difficult. So although a quiet night of food and Netflix might be easier, getting out there gives you more, in the end, including energy.

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Hi @Nadia, I get what you mean. Although I’ve trained myself to be more outgoing, I am still an introvert at heart and, like you, find that I need to retreat and regroup after some heavy socializing. I don’t have an answer for you, except to suggest that you absolutely need to give yourself that downtime.

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Hey @umabartlett welcome to the community! I see this is your first post and wanted to be sure to give you a red carpet welcome.

I love your point about being transparent with friends about being tired. That gives them a clue about the kind of interaction you’re open to that might be energizing as opposed to draining!

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It is definitely hard @Nadia! There have been some really nice ideas mentioned so far. If I’m too tired to go out and do something with a friend, I suggest a cosy night in watching a movie together. Means there isn’t that much pressure to hold a conversation and especially on these colder evenings, means you can stay warm!

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There’s a lot to be said for a movie, warm meal and PJs by 7 :slight_smile:

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Ah but which movie, @darren? The decision always stresses me out! :sweat_smile:

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Good point! Spent many a night scrolling through Netflix…

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Behavioural scientists say that after 5 or 7 choices, it becomes difficult to choose. I guess that is why Top 10s, and ‘what’s trending’ help you to choose.
But I use to think the same with satellite TV (Sky): 650 channels and there is nothing on :rofl: Just couldn’t choose.

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Website user experience designers say the same thing. 5 to 7 choices is what you get before feelings of overwhelm occur.

I agree, I always take so long to decide! I always like a Planet Earth David Attenborough episode (not an endorsement but his voice is just so soothing!)

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Attenborough is amazing. Did you catch his latest documentary on Netflix?

Do you mean the Earthshot prize series? Thought it was brilliant and a really positive take on the climate.
Lots of things on TV recently seem to be quite sad and have an air of “too little, too late” to them. I found that with watching the news as well. Nice to keep updated, but only to an extent!

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I wonder @sophie if a news detox is a good idea. I heard from someone who was talking to some newspapers, that if a story was positive, they wouldn’t publish it! I know that’s not completely true, but it often does feel like that!
Perhaps every time you feel like reading or watching some news feed, do something you enjoy instead?

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Knowing where to draw the line is the real trick, isn’t it? I was watching a YouTube from a gentleman whose videos I really enjoy but who hadn’t posted at all lately. He explained somewhat shamefacedly that he had not posted anything at least partly because he was so distracted and distraught by world events that he had stopped functioning in other ways.

How do we best recognize the signs that we’ve passed beyond the pale of healthy behaviors and need to make a change like taking a news fast?

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